Keep out of the darkness
I don’t even know where to start about today.
The words that Harry spoke last night, kept ringing through my ears.
“Maybe I’m just not awesome enough for the earth mummy”
Once both him & Jessica was at school. I drove myself to a quiet place and as soon as I turned the engine off, the tears that I held in broke free from my eyes.
His words were a reminder of no matter how much we shelter our children, the dark essences of the world can creep in and pick away the pieces of them.
The pieces that we cannot reach, but the pieces we so desperately try to search & get to before they get altered by the world.
Last night I saw a little boy, who suddenly felt like he just wasn’t enough. And now I’m crying thinking what if I could take everything away, would he feel like he belongs?
That would mean stripping away everything that I love about him, just to make him feel apart off it all.
And who gets the best deal then…is it us? or is it the world? Is it just another person then reformed into expectations and not adaptations.
I get tired, soo tired of fighting every day for him.
I don’t even know what or who I’m fighting sometimes, because they seem to be able to reach him even when I’m there and I don’t see it coming. A wave of invisible words & emotions crash into his ears, before I have the chance to shield him. But I have to see the after affects that every time alter my child’s heart.
The guilt that consumes me everyday is hard to bear, but yet I always get told not to feel guilty. But then I get made to feel that way, when I won’t let the world alter you.