Back to school 2023

Back to school is looming 🥺

Harry is starting to get a little anxious about the new year group and new class. I have to say I am starting to feel it also.

I always have extra worries after summer holidays, my brain seems to go into overdrive. I tend to worry a bit more in depth then others may and then I get told “Mel your really over thinking this now” but am I though 🫤. Or am I just trying to mentally prepare myself for what may come.

Here’s a brain dump of my thoughts:

• “what if his friends have developed more socially then he has” This is my biggest fear Harry is already behind socially in relation to his peers and I worry that gap just keeps increasing.

•“Will he find things to connect with them over” Because in the holidays I’ve noticed his obsession over certain topics, that are not inline shall we say with ”current trends” although this doesn’t bother me, as I love learning new things with him. I know that it can make it difficult when trying to talk to friends.

• “Will he learn to speak up for himself, when people are being unkind.“ This is a big worry of mine, Harry struggles to understand social situations. But equally he can be aware at times, of how people are to him and accepts that behaviour.

Friendships have been a tricky navigation for Harry. It’s something he shared with me after a recent event we attended, because he wasn’t treated how he should be by some of his peers. This kinda really lite the fire of worry for me on his return to school. Because it was like my fear thoughts becoming reality.

That evening before bed, we had a chat about the event and I said I would think of ways to help him, if he could do the same too.

The next day we sat down together and Harry was still very sad about the situation. After a little brain storm together we came up with an idea.

Which he called the “Friend meter”.

The friend meter consists of 5 coloured boxes in a semi circle shape.

Each coloured box contains a piece of text, •Green being a friend.

•Blue is unsure of the situation ask mum for help.

•Yellow is starting to do things that I don’t understand. Have I told them how I feel is it a misunderstanding?

•Orange being have I told them how I feel? (As in behaviour they are doing) and are they doing it again?

•Red is being unkind have a break from them for a bit.

The idea behind it, is that Harry finds it very hard to navigate social situations. He sometimes may misread a situation or sometimes accepts unkind behaviour as being part of having a friend, because he just wants a friend even at the expense of his happiness.

He expressed to me, that it’s something he needs help with and that he trusts me on how I think things are. He wants to share with me situations that happen and we discuss outcomes and what to do the following day etc.

I always tell Harry people deserve second chances, because if we don’t tell them how they made us feel they won’t know they did anything wrong. But if they continue, then they are not treating us like a friend should.

My hope is that after a little while, this chart will be imbedded in his head and he will start to understand situations and use the scale to determine the next steps himself, because I can’t always be there to help. I wrote him a little story about how his voice is his power and he needs to use it to express how he feels.

These two things really helped make him feel more confident on the return to school. It’s also helped soothe me just a little 😅.

But I know we have a long way to go.

I hope you are all keeping well 🌈