A thought by the sea
Today me and Harry got to have some time just us 2. we enjoyed some lunch together followed by an ice cream and chat at the beach.
During this time, I always find Harry connects well to me in this surrounding. He often asks me questions about life but today he had something else to share and the conversation went like this.
Harry; “Mum, I feel like your really expressive in your voice. I understand what you’re meant to be feeling and what’s expected of me to return that.”
Me; “ I am what people may call bubbly Harry, meaning I’m quite loud and excitable at times. I also use to being expressive since you were young, to help you understand emotions”
Harry; “ It’s hard for me as I don’t understand why dad isn’t like that and other people, because I feel it’s really hard to understand how I am meant to be to them”
Me; “ Do you mean how you should answer back to them when talking?”
Harry; “Yes I don’t know if they are angry, happy, sad at me or in life?”
Me; “I can understand how that could be difficult Harry, but if your talking to someone that is close to you, such as family. You can always ask them how they are feeling?
Harry; “ Yes I could do that mum thanks, also when the tone of your voice or anyone else reaches over 10 (if I am excited). I find it really hard to tune in or clear my mind to what you and them are saying.”
Me: “ Ok, is the noise too loud?”
Harry; “ Yes it can hurt my ears and I don’t feel like I can join in”.
Me; “ OK Harry, you could wait for the person to become calmer and ask them why they are so excited?”
Harry; “Good idea”
Somethings hit me after this conversation.
1.) Is I hadn’t noticed that Harry doesn’t ever do excited talk? You know when kids get so Exocet they forget to breathe 🤣 and wanna tell you everything and fast. Jess is like this (she takes after me ). But Harry doesn’t do this and I wonder if that’s also why he has a hard time when others do.
2.) I’ve noticed when other children are excited, Harry doesn’t always engage. Sometimes it’s like a domino effect once a child get excited the others follow suit even if they don’t really know why they need to be excited. But Harry doesn’t do this, unless it’s a topic that general is exciting to him and at the same time can be a topic no other peers share the same enthusiasm over. Unlike me I generally join in with him.
3.) Harry doesn’t register that he is expressive less in his voice. It can often be hard to know what he is feeling, but he seeks this in other voices in conversation. I wonder if this is because he has a hard time himself registering emotions. So effortless conversations where the person is very expressive make it easier to chat.
Since Harry was little, emotions have been a hard battle to understand. He is still very much learning what each one means and to him. I use to over exaggerate emotions when teaching him and I wonder if he has come to expect that of others. Many people who know me, will say I’m a larger then life personality, but I think this has become a safe space for Harry.
I also let him know when I’m taking some time, I will say “I’ve had a bit of a hard day today Harry can you give me some time to just re-adjust”
I’m a very open person, but I know in life that isn’t always applicable for everyone and that’s ok.
I think todays chat has made me understand, that I need to talk to him more about conversations, emotions and other people. I think this was his way of opening up about the struggles he has and how frustrated he feels.
It’s not nice when you feel like your out of the loop in other’s conversations.
Think we need to not be afraid to ask people what they mean, which is easier said then done ❤️🌈